One Of The Funniest…True Stories…You Will Hear Today…Smile

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I’ve got a flipping million of these…I’m going to have to write a book one day.

Hopefully a post that breaks away from the clinical and physiological speak…normally found on here…with a bit of beautiful Mancunian slang thrown in.

Made a few monumentally massive mistakes towards life progression this week…hey…I’m human…read my posts and no matter how specialised I am in my areas…the key thing I consistently highlight…is that I’m nothing more than a flawed being…we all are.

When you deal with the brain…body…and it’s connection all day…you get to become…really…really…human.

Nothing shocks…and you…realise…very quickly…that we are all crazy in our own unique…individual ways.

Both a tragedy and a beauty of living.

Been in my “zone” for the last couple days.

I say last couple…but…I rarely leave it.

Work…come home…read…learn…figure out how to progress further for the next day…block everything else out….repeat…win.

Sometimes I get it spectacularly wrong…sometimes spectacularly right.

The ups and the downs…the yin and the yang as they say.

Wouldn’t be life without them.

Been riding a wave of success and progression for too long…so it was very much needed to ground me and humble me.

Said to myself yesterday…right…need to go switch off…stop focusing on all of the analysis.

Belled one of my best pals and said I’m coming to watch the Liverpool vs Bayern match (Sadly he’s a Liverpool fan😛) (For my American friends…that’s a real football match…played with feet…not hands 😛)

Pulled up outside his…and he wasn’t there yet.

10 mins later…he turns up.

I get out the car and there’s a house alarm piercing the entire street.

He’s got a load of stuff to get out his car…so I start helping him.

As I’m helping him he says “Who’s alarm is that.”

“It’s coming from over there I say”…pointing to a house across the road…diagonally to his…a little bit further down the road.

We get inside his house…take all the stuff in…get upstairs to his living room…put it all away.

I sit down…he sits down.

We’re looking at each other…windows open…and we can still hear this alarm shrieking.

He says something along the lines of “I might need to go check that in case something is up…it’s been going on too long now…you never know…cos…no other fuckers going to check it out there.”

“Sweet I’ll go with you…I need to grab something out my centre console in the car anyway…come then”…I say.

We go downstairs…out the door…and start to cross the road…chatting…as you do.

You won’t believe this next bit…I’m still laughing my head off.

“Which gaf is it”…he says.

I clock it…point…and say “It’s definitely that one.”

Ok…so this is where things gets a little crazy.

I’m deadly serious this happened…houses facing us all around in complete plain sight of everybody…about 5.30pm…sun starting to fade.

We walk towards the house…the sound of the alarm gets louder and louder.

As we both approach the drive…we’re scanning…and it’s apparent that there are no lights on in the whole house…nobodies in…house is empty…rooms are dark.

At exactly the same time…in unison…he shouts “Razzzzz”…I shout “Bro their fucking robbing it.”

In the main window we had both seen 2 shadows moving and a flashlight.

Again…it was completely dark inside the house…so it was so easy to see…not a light on at all.

He runs to the window where the flashlight was…I run to the front door.

I’m hammerfisting the patio style front door as hard as I can with all my force…to the point I’ve bruised my hand…and the door was rattling and shaking in it’s frame.

Put my whole body into it…and I’m screaming like a man going to war.

He’s at the window doing exactly the same…to the point…he’s almost putting the window through.

I’m hammering and hammering this flipping door and then he flies in front of me to the letter box…opens it…and starts screaming absolute obscenities about what he’s going to do them.

Oh…it gets better…believe me…and bare in mind…this is all happening within seconds of each other.

Alarms still bellowing…and after he’s had his say through the letter box…first…he tries to find something to smash the main window through to get into the house at them.

Then he says “Fuck this…they ain’t getting away with this on my road”…stands at the huggge wooden gate at the side of the house…next to the window…steps back…and starts kicking it in.

After 2 or 3 ferocious kicks…the gate is bowing under the pressure but won’t smash.

In an instance…he’s leapt up on to the top of this wooden gate door…he’s over…and gone.

This wooden gate…is HUGE…easily 8-9 feet high…if not more.

I’VE NEVER SEEN ANYBODY BE THAT AGILE BEFORE.

I work with professional athletes and I’m seriously…seriously agile myself…but…this output…especially during fight or flight…was on a different level.

It was spectacular to witness.

In for a penny in for a pound…I jump up after him…new phone flies out my hoodie pocket on the way up…car keys go flying over the gate as I get on top.

Now…as I get on top of the gate…and am about to jump off into the garden…I hear the window come flying open directly below me…the same window we saw the shadows and the flashlight…and I think…”You fuckers”…and jump back off the top of the gate…back on to the drive.

I’m thinking they’re jumping out the front window.

By this point my mate is already over…already trying to get through every door round the back and has leaped over another gate of a similar size…to try the other doors.

So this is where it gets funny…on reflection.

I’m on the drive now looking at the opened window…which now…has a light switched on…and has a woman and her teenage daughter cautiously looking out the window…petrified…saying “It’s ok…it’s ok it’s our house…we live here.”

I’ve said “What you doing in a pitch black house…with an alarm screaming…rolling about using a flashlight!?”

They answer me but I can’t hear them…alarms really REALLY loud…adrenaline is running…and I’m shouting my mate.

I’m shouting my mate because if I know him…he’s already smashed his way into the house.

He comes flying round another gate on the opposite side of the house to where I’m stood.

He’s like “What you doing…what you doing” at them 😂😭😂😭

Then we look at each other…look at the petrified woman and her daughter…and say “Shit..is the alarm coming from next door or something and we’ve got it wrong!?”

We move closer to the window and hear them say “We’ve tried everything…we’ve tried everything but can’t switch it off.”

So let’s take a rewind??

What had actually happened was…the alarm was so loud…and they couldn’t turn it off…so they had tried to switch off the power to the house which was why everything was pitch black…and they were using the flashlight to see if there was anything else they could do to switch it off.

I’ve got my hands up in the air to show I mean no harm saying “I’m so sorry we thought somebody was robbing your house and taking all your stuff”

My mates saying the same thing…saying “Look I live across the road and was just trying to make sure nobody got your things…you’re rolling around in the dark with a flashlight in a house where there is a burglar alarm blaring out…I almost smashed my way into your house.”

I don’t know if they thanked us…I can’t remember…they were wearily speaking to us from right inside the house…in shock…was difficult to hear at points as they were scared…and embarrassed on top of all the noise.

I say to my mate…“Shit…I’ve lost my car keys jumping over the gate”…and he says to the woman…“Really sorry love…but his keys are in your garden somewhere…you’re going to have to go round and get them for him.”

Couple minutes later the gate opens with the lady and her daughter stood there…still very weary and a little shook up.

She’s holding my keys and again I put my hands up walking towards her saying “Arrrgh we’re so sorry…we just thought you were being robbed we didn’t mean to scare you…we were looking out for you.”

My mate starts making small talk and we can hear police sirens getting closer and closer.

I take the keys back and we weren’t sticking around any longer…so…we exit the drive…walk back to his house and stick the tele on waiting for the game.

Just another day huh?

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5 thoughts on “One Of The Funniest…True Stories…You Will Hear Today…Smile

  1. Thank you for the comment. Hope you are well.

    I’d like to think in that situation there are quite a few of us that would act and look out.

    Afterwards though we both said…that we didn’t think…just went into autopilot…and could have been killed, or ended up killing somebody, you never know do you?

    The path of life is often the unknown isn’t it.

    I’ll hold my hands up here. The only reason the pair of us keep pushing forwards in those situations is because we are people who have both taken from and detracted from society in a previous life when we were younger.

    Taken from it and also not looked out for others interests. I suppose we try make up for that these days.

    I can vouch myself personally that I’ve been a dick head over the years (Still am sometimes 😂) Learnt from my mistakes I guess as I’ve grown up. Well learnt from some of them!

    Plus it’s like he says…the only way to put the message across that you don’t burgle houses on that road is by making sure we all act.

    You seem a person who would stand up too!

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Well your stance on life from your previous experiences is very inspirational. It’s nice to speak to people with the balls to stand up. I suppose we have all been victims in our unique ways over our lives. It’s taking those experiences and allowing them to make us stronger that makes the difference.

        Checked out your blog a few times and really respect your journey.

        Very true…when it comes down to it…we are all in it together!

        Liked by 1 person

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